A Letter To My Mom

I woke up this morning at 3am. I usually get up around 6. It's starting to become a pattern since Joel is out of town this week. This week, I haven't been myself. I miss Joel and I'm an emotional wreck.

This morning, I started missing my mom with a deep hurt inside. It crept up on me and took over my entire body until I was sick. This has happened before, but it's been a few years since it hit me this hard. When life gets really good or really hard, I just want my mom. Since I'm not able to fall back asleep, I thought it would help me to pretend that if I could write a letter to my mom and send it to her, what would I say? Right now in this moment...

Dear Mom,

Wow! I miss you. I love you and I need you. I need your Godly advice when life is hard. I need you to hug me and tell me everything will be ok. With Joel out of town, I know if you were still here, you would have stayed with me this week for some serious girl time. You would have helped me through challenges I'm facing at work. You would help me see how it's healthy to "miss" Joel because it only makes him coming home that much better.  No matter how old I get, I will always want you and need you. I thought I would grow out of this, but I haven't, and I don't want to.  You met Joel once before but you didn't know he would be my husband at the time. I am so blessed to have him. He would have been your favorite out of all the son-in-laws! You should see Gizmo now! He truly loves Joel and me and he trusts us to take care of him. He's laying on me right now comforting me since he can always tell when I'm upset and missing you. David is doing well and is where he needs to be in life. Tara is the teacher you always knew she could be (and better). She has kept our family united through all the junk in our lives that try to pull us apart.  Kyle... If there's anyone to be most proud of, it's him. What a 180 he's done with his life! He and Ida have a precious son that you would love and adore more than your own children!. Danielle lives the dream. She is definitely following your footsteps. Her three babies are absolute perfection and they know you well. Danielle is such a good mom because she learned from the best. 

I know there is nothing I can do to bring you back, but sometimes I get to see you in my dreams. In my dreams, you are alive and well. Even in my dreams, I know in the back of my mind you aren't alive, but somehow I believe you are during the dream. It's super strange but I cherish those dreams. Sometimes I wake up frustrated that it was only a dream, but I look at these dreams as a gift from God so that I will never forget the one who loved me the most. No earthly person has ever loved me the way you have. 

I hope God shares this letter with you and let's you know how much love we all have for you. His plan is so much bigger than I can even try to understand. 

So until then... I might have to write a few letters. 

I'll see you on the other side, Mom!

Much Love,

Your Youngest 

A Slice of Pie

     Today was my first day back to work, but this time, from our apartment. I was really worried that the day would feel like forever.  I was wrong! Today was so much fun. I got to answer a few phone calls when the office got so busy that they couldn't keep up. I wrote a policy today for a guy. I also caught up all the Internet leads that came through over the holidays.  It was a great day, I skipped my lunch hour, and worked nonstop until the office closed. I am so grateful!  

     Yesterday, Joel and I decided that we would go to a local bakery called "A Slice of Pie" to celebrate my first day back to work. I was looking at it more as a way to get me through what I thought would be the longest day in history!  Regardless of how my day turned out, I was still very excited!  Joel's sister, Jenna, told us about this place and said they have the best pie!  I looked up reviews online and everyone raves about it.

     This place is a little hole in the wall. You will want to make sure you are up to date on your shots before going there.  :)  Haha  It really isn't dirty, it's just kind of old feeling. Since all the reviews online said the French Silk pie was the best, that's what I got.  Joel always loves a good cherry pie so of course, he got that one.  We each ordered half slices, which were around $4 each. 

The French Silk was a little too sweet for me. And those of you who know me, know that's unheard of.  It had a sugary gritty texture which wasn't my favorite. The flavor was good though.

 The Cherry pie was much better. I don't like fruit goo so I didn't try it, but I did have a few pieces of the crust and it was phenomenal! Joel loved his pie a lot! 

     Now we are full of pie and ready to watch a movie. I am so thankful for such a good day. I know they can't all be this good, but I'm hopeful that most of the days will be!



-Simply Mandy

Furnished Apartment

     I have had some requests to share some pictures of the furnished apartment that is being provided to us from my husband's company.  At first, the idea of living in an apartment bothered me. I have never lived apartment life before and I have never rented before. I always had a picture in my head that I was "too good" for that. We have good credit, we make good money... we need to buy another house in order to be upper class citizens.  Gosh!!! Who brainwashed me into thinking like that? When looking to purchase a home, there are a few things that I said I wanted... and a few things I said I would never buy a home with.  This little one bedroom apartment is really helping me adjust my view on everything. 

Features in a home I said I would never purchase:

1. A bi-level home that does not make climbing stairs an option. Hauling groceries up a flight of stairs just to enter your home... no thanks!

2. A house with anything less than 2 car garage. I've always had a house with a one car garage... and I think it's time to step it up and get both of our cars protected from the weather.

3. Home without a newer roof.  Replaced 2 roofs in the last 4 years. I did my time replacing roofs, no more.

4. House with a galley or small kitchen. I like to cook and I like my space.

Features in a home that atract me:

1. Fireplace

2. Jacuzzi bath tub

3. Hardwood floors

4. Stainless Appliances

5. 3+ bedrooms, 2+ bathrooms

6. Newer home

     So here is what I learned... living in this apartment, I have to climb about 10 stairs to get into my apartment, I do not have a garage at all, galley kitchen, no fireplace, 1 bedroom (plus an office) 1 bathroom, and this place is pretty nice! I am maturing and I am seeing that I don't need all those things to make me happy. Yes... they are nice, and Yes, I still want them, but I'm doing just fine without them. 
This apartment even has a Jacuzzi bath tub... but guess what? It's not all it's cracked up to be! The jets are all the way up near the top of the tub, so by the time you fill the water that high, the hot water is gone, which means you can't use the jets, which also means the "Jacuzzi tub" is just an ordinary tub.  AND I'M SURVIVING!!! Amazing!

Joel and I are considering renting our next house and I think I'm okay with that idea now.  I still don't want to live in an apartment if we can avoid it. There is too much noise from the other tenants. I hear their TV, music, conversations, and their dogs.  My dog barks all day long at the noises and that is getting old. 

Here are some pictures of our nice little apartment. Though much different than what I thought I wanted, I am happy. 

-Simply Mandy

New Beginnings...

     In case there are any readers out there who don't know me, my name is Mandy! My life has been a jumbled up ball off happiness, fear, skepticism, fun, love, and so much more since I married my husband, Joel in 2011. After Joel and I had been married for almost 2 years, he got a job promotion with Kroger, the company he's worked for since he was 16. (Just hit his 10th anniversary with them) I am so proud of him and his hard work to climb the ladder of success. Finding out that Joel was promoting back in 2012, also meant that we would be moving from our home in Missouri and heading north to Bloomington, IL.  I knew this was part of the deal when I said "I Do" on my wedding day. I knew that life would eventually take us to Illinois. I feel that I was a supportive wife in the process, regardless of my desires to hang back where all of our family lived.  We lived 2 years in Illinois and finally, after what seemed like forever, were able to call it "home".

     Our journey in Illinois was rough. It had it's ups and downs. Joel works long hours and weekends, so moving to a place where I didn't know anyone, was tough. Joel did the best he could to keep me happy, but there was a void I just couldn't seem to fill.  Looking back, I wish I would have started a blog.  It would have been a great way for me to journal all the good and bad times, and have an opportunity to look back and see where all God has taken us from, to, and through! I'm kicking myself for not doing that.  The good news, even though a year and half of our Illinois phase was depressing, the last 6 months have been some of the best months in my life! We made a ton of friends, got involved in our church, and we really felt that God had His hand on us and wanted the best for us.  He wanted the best for us all along, but it's hard to see when you are stuck in a "rut" and just can't seem to escape the self-pity.

     Well, here we are, 2 years after moving to Illinois, and loving it, just to find  that my husband's boss wanted to promote Joel again!  Woohoo! Promotions mean more money, but with Kroger, they also mean a relocation... again...  Once Joel officially got the job, I faked a happiness for him. I didn't want my sorrow to rob him of his joy. I tried to be supportive, found a few job options, looked for houses to purchase, googled the town and local attractions... but none of those things gave me peace.  

     On Christmas day 2014, we had packed out cars and we made the official move back to Missouri, but this time, to Rolla, about 2 hours South of where our hometown is.  Years ago, I told Joel I'd follow him anywhere, except Rolla. Isn't God funny?  Haha more like... not funny.  This time around, I have been dragging my feet, picking fights with Joel, getting super upset that the town doesn't even have a mall or Starbucks!  I mean.. really? c'mon! As I sit here in my 1 bedroom furnished apartment, I am writing this blog as a way to help me cope through the hard times, rejoice in the good times, and see God work through all of those.  Honestly, today, I don't see God's hand in this... but I am confident that I will!

     I told my husband that I wanted to start a blog, and he completely encouraged me to. He even came up with the name for my blog, "Simply Mandy".  He and I were discussing the fact that I am a person who doesn't pretend to enjoy things that I don't. I don't give people a false picture of what's going on. I say things before thinking... but hey, at least you get the real deal!  It's become so prevalent in our day to cover up our pain and struggles and put on a smile and just "go with it". God made me different. He made me BOLD in who I am, and made it so that I'm not ashamed to share the good, bad, and the ugly!  My husband gave his permission to share our journey with you so that God may get glory... and in the process I think Joel's hoping that I get a hobby to help diffuse my ill feelings about the move!

*Disclaimer... Although I am a real, non-sugar coated person, any pictures that I post here, will probably not display the actual honest truth!  All selfies that I take require about 20 tries before I get one worth sharing.  My house isn't always clean, and dinner isn't always fabulous! Even if the pictures suggest so.

Seeing God at work...

     So, I am already seeing God at work and seeing His hand on things that just say "Mandy, I love you, Thank you for sticking this out, I've got this."  Exactly a week ago, I was struggling with finding the right job in Rolla. I sold insurance for State Farm in Illinois and I found 3 agents in Rolla, MO to work for.  After several interviews, phonecalls, and video chats, I had to make a decision on which agent to work for.  Many people think, "Wow, God provided three options for you." I do realize that some people aren't fortunate enough to even find a job, but I didn't feel like God was leading me to any of those three. I felt in the dark, I questioned God about His plan, and I decided just to drag my feet longer.  Well, it was last Friday, my last day at work in Illinois, I got home from work after saying my goodbyes and my boss called me. He said that he didn't want to lose me and wanted me to try working for him from my home in Rolla. I cried immediately and accepted his offer!  As soon as I hung up the phone, I felt major conviction. Why do I doubt God? Why can't I just trust everything to work out?  I HATE waiting!!!! That's probably the hardest thing. When you are put on a time table by the world but God says... wait! He had something better in store for me!  Monday starts my new working from home position and I'm so excited to give it a try!  I will miss the personal interaction, but maybe I can volunteer somewhere with my spare time.  Feeling God's presence in that way was amazing and I feel very loved and cared about by my Heavenly Father.  Sometimes I move too quickly in life to really sit and feel it.

     Well, we've only been in this apartment for a little over a day and it's already a mess! I'm going to tidy it up, finish up dinner,  study my Bible, probably watch some Netflix, and eagerly wait for Joel get to home so he can read my first post!!

-Simply Mandy