This morning, I started missing my mom with a deep hurt inside. It crept up on me and took over my entire body until I was sick. This has happened before, but it's been a few years since it hit me this hard. When life gets really good or really hard, I just want my mom. Since I'm not able to fall back asleep, I thought it would help me to pretend that if I could write a letter to my mom and send it to her, what would I say? Right now in this moment...
Dear Mom,
Wow! I miss you. I love you and I need you. I need your Godly advice when life is hard. I need you to hug me and tell me everything will be ok. With Joel out of town, I know if you were still here, you would have stayed with me this week for some serious girl time. You would have helped me through challenges I'm facing at work. You would help me see how it's healthy to "miss" Joel because it only makes him coming home that much better. No matter how old I get, I will always want you and need you. I thought I would grow out of this, but I haven't, and I don't want to. You met Joel once before but you didn't know he would be my husband at the time. I am so blessed to have him. He would have been your favorite out of all the son-in-laws! You should see Gizmo now! He truly loves Joel and me and he trusts us to take care of him. He's laying on me right now comforting me since he can always tell when I'm upset and missing you. David is doing well and is where he needs to be in life. Tara is the teacher you always knew she could be (and better). She has kept our family united through all the junk in our lives that try to pull us apart. Kyle... If there's anyone to be most proud of, it's him. What a 180 he's done with his life! He and Ida have a precious son that you would love and adore more than your own children!. Danielle lives the dream. She is definitely following your footsteps. Her three babies are absolute perfection and they know you well. Danielle is such a good mom because she learned from the best.
I know there is nothing I can do to bring you back, but sometimes I get to see you in my dreams. In my dreams, you are alive and well. Even in my dreams, I know in the back of my mind you aren't alive, but somehow I believe you are during the dream. It's super strange but I cherish those dreams. Sometimes I wake up frustrated that it was only a dream, but I look at these dreams as a gift from God so that I will never forget the one who loved me the most. No earthly person has ever loved me the way you have.
I hope God shares this letter with you and let's you know how much love we all have for you. His plan is so much bigger than I can even try to understand.
So until then... I might have to write a few letters.
I'll see you on the other side, Mom!
Much Love,
Your Youngest
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